WHY ARE YOU AFRAID TO DATE?

You may not understand what holds you back.  Being able to date entails a unique mix of feelings, thoughts and behaviors, as well as putting yourself into situations where dating is possible.  Here are reasons that some people hesitate to go on dates.

• You may have become conditioned to associate anxiety with dating, so each time you get closer to going on a date, you become more nervous.

   

• You may be afraid of rejection, and dating can bring rejection.

   

• You may say things to yourself, such as, "I'll never be able to do this," or "She'll think I'm a jerk."  This negative "self-talk" can inhibit you from arranging or accepting a date.

   

• You may not know how to arrange or behave on a date.

   

• You may not know where to go to find possible dating partners. 

   

• On a deeper level, you may be convinced that you are not a worthwhile person.  This kind of belief can stop you, because you fear that dating partners will find you out and reject you.

 

Once you figure out what keeps you stuck you can do something about it.  Here is an example of how one person overcame dating anxiety.

GERALD'S PROBLEM:  FEAR OF DATING

THE PROBLEM:

Gerald, a junior at a large university, was so nervous about going out on dates that he never tried to have one.  When friends arranged two blind dates for him, he was highly anxious, tongue tied, sweaty, and felt that he was inept and a failure.  Gerald believed that he could never get close to a woman and was doomed to a life of loneliness and celibacy.

THE SOLUTION:

Dr. Agigian first helped Gerald figure out what was keeping the problem going:  negative expectations, anxiety and lack of knowledge and skills about dating.

 

They used Thought Field Therapy (TFT) and breathing retraining to reduce Gerald's anxiety.   Dr. Agigian taught Gerald how to use cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) to refute negative thoughts and expectations that had interfered with dating.   Gerald was assigned to interview male and female students to learn about dating and how it worked specifically on campus.

He used this information to develop strategies and practice behaviors for dating.  Gerald then went on "practice dates."

RESULTS:

Gerald's dating anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10 declined from 9 to 2.  He developed more positive thoughts and expectations about dating.  Gerald's  new knowledge and skills helped him arrange practice dates and get through them with confidence and a degree of relaxation and enjoyment he had not believed possible.  Toward the end of counseling, Gerald began dating comfortably and successfully on his own

 

TAKE THE NEXT STEP

If you'd like to contact Dr. Agigian for more information or to learn whether he can help you with dating anxiety, call to arrange a free 30-minute consultation at (510) 653-7596.

He can also be reached by e-mail at agigian@earthlink.net.